The Craziest Dream
Dear Diary,
I had the craziest dream. I dreamt that I was on my way to Calvary. I was beaten and tattered, worn out, exhausted, bloody and just plain tired. But I was pressing on to the top of that steep hill. I was carrying a cross that was easily 3 times the size of my body. But unlike when Christ went to Calvary, there was no one there to cheer me on or discourage me. So I pressed forward all the way up the hill.
Once I got to the top of the hill, some soldiers laid me on top of the cross. One of the soldiers raised a large hammer over his head to drive the nail into my hand, and immediately I pulled my hand away and said, “Nope, I’m good. Not gonna do that.” I proceeded to get up off the cross and walk down the side of the hill.
As I was walking away, out of the corner of my eye, I saw 2 of my mentors and Jesus standing on the other side of the hill. They were glowing like they had just come off the Mount like Moses. But what I saw even more vividly was that they were shaking their heads at me. And Jesus said, “why won’t she just stay on the cross, the power is not in the crucifixion, the power is in the resurrection. But there is no resurrection without the crucifixion.”
I struggle with compromise. I don’t like hard places that make me uncomfortable. I don’t like to be inconvenienced. I don’t want to wait for God to move. I want Him to move when I want Him to move. But it doesn’t work that way. There is no resurrection without the crucifixion and there is no crucifixion without the surrender.
The hardest part about being single is this idea that we have to surrender to the will of the Father. It's waiting for His timing. We have to go through somethings all alone. We have to take some of the beatings, get a little bloody and still press forward. But how many of us make the journey all the way to the top of the mountain and then give up right before we experience our breakthrough? What does that look like, you ask?
Well that looks like going back to the dude that God clearly removed from our lives. That looks like the binge drinking to numb the pain. That looks like going back to our old stomping grounds, where everybody knows your name, even though we know nothing good will come from that. I’m so guilty of it all of the time. When things are not going my way I revert back to the old way. How is that working for me, you ask? Well, it’s not. Way too many times I, no one else but me, I have removed myself prematurely from the cross, the situation, the season, because I didn’t want to deal with what I thought was going to happen. I found it so interesting that in my dream the man hadn’t even hit the nail yet, but I still wasn’t’ going through it. Anticipation is often worse than the situation.
But there is no power until you get to the resurrection, until you trust God’s process and come out on the other side. There is no resurrection until the crucifixion, meaning you have to endure the hard times, the pruning, the loneliness, the rejection, the refining. And there is no crucifixion until there is surrender. But not a begrudging surrender, a surrender with joy because you trust the process, you trust the outcome, you trust the one who holds your future.
I told you it was a crazy dream.
Love,
I had the craziest dream. I dreamt that I was on my way to Calvary. I was beaten and tattered, worn out, exhausted, bloody and just plain tired. But I was pressing on to the top of that steep hill. I was carrying a cross that was easily 3 times the size of my body. But unlike when Christ went to Calvary, there was no one there to cheer me on or discourage me. So I pressed forward all the way up the hill.
Once I got to the top of the hill, some soldiers laid me on top of the cross. One of the soldiers raised a large hammer over his head to drive the nail into my hand, and immediately I pulled my hand away and said, “Nope, I’m good. Not gonna do that.” I proceeded to get up off the cross and walk down the side of the hill.
As I was walking away, out of the corner of my eye, I saw 2 of my mentors and Jesus standing on the other side of the hill. They were glowing like they had just come off the Mount like Moses. But what I saw even more vividly was that they were shaking their heads at me. And Jesus said, “why won’t she just stay on the cross, the power is not in the crucifixion, the power is in the resurrection. But there is no resurrection without the crucifixion.”
I struggle with compromise. I don’t like hard places that make me uncomfortable. I don’t like to be inconvenienced. I don’t want to wait for God to move. I want Him to move when I want Him to move. But it doesn’t work that way. There is no resurrection without the crucifixion and there is no crucifixion without the surrender.
The hardest part about being single is this idea that we have to surrender to the will of the Father. It's waiting for His timing. We have to go through somethings all alone. We have to take some of the beatings, get a little bloody and still press forward. But how many of us make the journey all the way to the top of the mountain and then give up right before we experience our breakthrough? What does that look like, you ask?
Well that looks like going back to the dude that God clearly removed from our lives. That looks like the binge drinking to numb the pain. That looks like going back to our old stomping grounds, where everybody knows your name, even though we know nothing good will come from that. I’m so guilty of it all of the time. When things are not going my way I revert back to the old way. How is that working for me, you ask? Well, it’s not. Way too many times I, no one else but me, I have removed myself prematurely from the cross, the situation, the season, because I didn’t want to deal with what I thought was going to happen. I found it so interesting that in my dream the man hadn’t even hit the nail yet, but I still wasn’t’ going through it. Anticipation is often worse than the situation.
But there is no power until you get to the resurrection, until you trust God’s process and come out on the other side. There is no resurrection until the crucifixion, meaning you have to endure the hard times, the pruning, the loneliness, the rejection, the refining. And there is no crucifixion until there is surrender. But not a begrudging surrender, a surrender with joy because you trust the process, you trust the outcome, you trust the one who holds your future.
I told you it was a crazy dream.
Love,
THE CHRISTIAN SINGLE WOMAN
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