Can I Keep the Mask?

Dear Diary,

I was reading this post about how many people try to be funny in order to deal with childhood misery and it got me thinking. When I it, all I kept thinking was there are actually two types of people: one that uses humor and others that use aggression as their mask hiding their pain. Now the social psychologist in me would argue that these means for coping develop because of a combination of the circumstances and the innate personality traits. Nature versus nurture at its finest.  I mean think about it, 2 kids in the same household, dealing with the same things, might react two completely different ways. Whereas one might use humor to deal with the misery, the other might become rebellious, or even overly ambitious. We all cope differently because we are wired differently. So I wonder, if God knew that we would all cope differently to the situations that we were given, are our coping mechanisms a part of the greater mission that God has given us? Could, or would He use the mask that I once wore, change it and apply it to my ministry?

My coping mechanisms are sarcasm or silence. My first response to most negative or uncomfortable situations is to put together some smart-aleck comment. I can articulate my real thoughts and then cover it by saying, “oh I’m just joking.” If I can’t find a witty retort for you, or I’m in a situation where sarcasm is inappropriate, I will just withdraw into myself and say nothing. But come on, that makes people see me as funny or mysterious. I actually laugh when people say that because what they don’t know is that my witty comments or thoughtful silence sometimes just stems from my fear of failure, lack of trust and insecurities. That is rather amusing when you think about it. But I guess that is the point of masks, it hides what is real.

So I ask God, is my coping mechanism useful at all in the ministry? The first thing that God did was reveal the problems with the way that I cope. So I’ve identified two problems. Problem number one the sarcasm, Matthew 5:7 says “Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.” My sarcasm usually comes from a negative place of fear. That fear that if you really put yourself out there, you could potentially get hurt. So I present it in a way that keeps me from being rejected, therefore, making it difficult to get a clear answer. Problem two, the silence, Ephesians 4:31-32 says, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” When I am silent I am usually thinking, which isn’t a problem unless I am recycling and reflecting on malice and bitterness. So again the question arises, can God take these “survival” techniques and use them for His glory? Because this is a part of who I am, would He keep the method but change the mind-set?

I found out that some of the key people in the Bible responded using sarcasm and silence but the mentality was different, it was ministry focused. But the best example, as always was Jesus. Jesus used sarcasm and silence all at once in one of my favorite bible stories in John 8. This was the story of the women caught in adultery. I think Jesus’ response to the crowd was not only brilliant but hilarious. In verse 6, “they were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him. But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger.” I always wondered what He was writing on the ground, since He did it twice in that story, but I because of who Jesus was, I think it was probably some kind of message of tenderhearted mercy, and love. Maybe He was writing the number of sins he would forgive in that crowd alone. Maybe He was asking God to forgive them like He did on the cross. Whatever it was I know it didn’t harbor any malice, but of course the crowd was not satisfied. Verse 7 says, “When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, ‘let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”  Then of course He bends back down and writes on the floor again. That response is so funny to me, but at the same time I understand that His yes was still yes, His no was still no, and it didn’t come out of an evil or wounded place. His response was a medium by which He made the crowd think and repent, since they all eventually left.

So I do think that God can use my “mask.”  Since He gave me my personality and my background, I think that the Lord wants to use them both for His ministry. However, I don’t think if He gets a hold of it, He would call it a mask, because in changing my mind-set so that I’m more kingdom focused, I’m no longer hiding the negative behind my means for survival. I think it would be more like glasses because through the lens of my personality I would be able to see God’s glory revealed.

Love,

THE CHRISTIAN SINGLE WOMAN