What If I get Everything I Want?
Dear Diary,
So I was talking and catching up with one of my friends last night and I had THEE SCARIEST THOUGHT. What if IT happens? What if I get everything I ever wanted? What if God sends me the man of my dreams? The guy who is perfectly designed for me? What if I get the children that I dream of? What if I am walking boldly in my purpose and God begins to bless everything? What if I get IT and I’m still depressed? What if he comes into my life and I’m still lonely? Dear God, what if we fall head over heels in love and it’s not enough? What if I'm successful, and I still feel like I'm unproductive or useless? What if God gives me the desires of my heart, and it's NOT ENOUGH? Scary thought, huh? I thought so. Maybe I'm sabotaging myself, because if I actually get everything that I want, I have no clue what I'd do next.
While I was talking to my best friend about the situation, she said it seems like we are programmed to always want more. To always be looking toward the next thing. When she said that, I had the terrifying thought that what if my problem is that I'LL NEVER BE SATISFIED? Well that’s a lot bigger issue than I just can’t get a man.
Funny enough, in the time that I’ve spent with God lately, one of my prayers has been, “God I want you to be enough. I want to be satisfied with you. I want to get to a place where I’m not looking for a man or anything to fill a hole because there is no hole in my heart. I desire this thing, which I think is completely normal to want, but I want to desire you more. The only problem, Lord, is that I don’t know how to do that. Please Lord help me, desire you. Help me, be SATISFIED with you.”
Now I know what you are thinking, immediately the chains came off and I was filled with a deep sense of divine satisfaction, an all consuming peace and understanding. But truth be told, that didn’t happen. The only thing I felt was that God heard me. He understood my need and He is willing to teach me. Actually, I have to pray that prayer every day, and every day I feel a little bit better.
So I was talking and catching up with one of my friends last night and I had THEE SCARIEST THOUGHT. What if IT happens? What if I get everything I ever wanted? What if God sends me the man of my dreams? The guy who is perfectly designed for me? What if I get the children that I dream of? What if I am walking boldly in my purpose and God begins to bless everything? What if I get IT and I’m still depressed? What if he comes into my life and I’m still lonely? Dear God, what if we fall head over heels in love and it’s not enough? What if I'm successful, and I still feel like I'm unproductive or useless? What if God gives me the desires of my heart, and it's NOT ENOUGH? Scary thought, huh? I thought so. Maybe I'm sabotaging myself, because if I actually get everything that I want, I have no clue what I'd do next.
While I was talking to my best friend about the situation, she said it seems like we are programmed to always want more. To always be looking toward the next thing. When she said that, I had the terrifying thought that what if my problem is that I'LL NEVER BE SATISFIED? Well that’s a lot bigger issue than I just can’t get a man.
Funny enough, in the time that I’ve spent with God lately, one of my prayers has been, “God I want you to be enough. I want to be satisfied with you. I want to get to a place where I’m not looking for a man or anything to fill a hole because there is no hole in my heart. I desire this thing, which I think is completely normal to want, but I want to desire you more. The only problem, Lord, is that I don’t know how to do that. Please Lord help me, desire you. Help me, be SATISFIED with you.”
Now I know what you are thinking, immediately the chains came off and I was filled with a deep sense of divine satisfaction, an all consuming peace and understanding. But truth be told, that didn’t happen. The only thing I felt was that God heard me. He understood my need and He is willing to teach me. Actually, I have to pray that prayer every day, and every day I feel a little bit better.
Love,
THE CHRISTIAN SINGLE WOMAN
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