I'm not BITTER
Dear Diary,
Okay so here is the thing that I want to make clear. I’m not bitter. And I know what you are thinking that is what bitter people say to try to convince other people that they are not bitter, but it’s true. I’ve spent many years avoiding my emotions but in the more recent years I found it to be healthier to identify what I am feeling and then try to deal with that. Bitterness is an intense resentment or hostility often unyielding and relentless. And honestly that's not what I feel. I’m sad sometimes, definitely. I’m angry sometimes, totally. I feel hopeless sometimes, truly. I am frustrated sometimes, repeatedly. But most of the time I’m blissfully unaware that I should feel anything about my single season. Truth be told I don’t usually have time to sit and stew. But every once in a while that wave of negativity hits me and knocks me right off my surfboard of bliss.
I think that part of the reason I’m often unaware of it is because I’ve been working hard to like my life. I’m working on cultivating my relationships with my family and friends. I am building my financial stability, often celebrating the goals I reach. I’m planning trips and traveling, spending time doing the things that I love to do. I’m reestablishing my hobbies. I’m trying to live healthy (emphasis on trying) by eating right and exercising. But most importantly, I’m doing my best to truly and honestly connect with my heavenly Father. And I think that is the reason I’m not bitter. Don’t get me wrong every day is different but I’m really looking to find my contentment in the Lord and everything He has for me to do in this season. Now I want to be totally clear, THIS IS NOT EASY. Some days it is a cake-walk, other days I literally look up to heaven and scream, “how in the world are you supposed to be enough when I can’t see, feel, or hear you.” But even in those times when I’m like that, God is so patient, he’s probably laughing at me like a boyfriend or husband laughs at their significant other when she’s overreacting.
Sometimes I wonder, if all of these feelings that I feel will go away when I actually get what I want. There is a huge part of me that doesn’t think so. Perhaps it is in this season that God is trying to teach me how to lean on Him when I feel this way so that in my next season when it’s more intense I don’t crater. Something to think about. Only time will tell.
Love,
THE CHRISTIAN SINGLE WOMAN
Okay so here is the thing that I want to make clear. I’m not bitter. And I know what you are thinking that is what bitter people say to try to convince other people that they are not bitter, but it’s true. I’ve spent many years avoiding my emotions but in the more recent years I found it to be healthier to identify what I am feeling and then try to deal with that. Bitterness is an intense resentment or hostility often unyielding and relentless. And honestly that's not what I feel. I’m sad sometimes, definitely. I’m angry sometimes, totally. I feel hopeless sometimes, truly. I am frustrated sometimes, repeatedly. But most of the time I’m blissfully unaware that I should feel anything about my single season. Truth be told I don’t usually have time to sit and stew. But every once in a while that wave of negativity hits me and knocks me right off my surfboard of bliss.
I think that part of the reason I’m often unaware of it is because I’ve been working hard to like my life. I’m working on cultivating my relationships with my family and friends. I am building my financial stability, often celebrating the goals I reach. I’m planning trips and traveling, spending time doing the things that I love to do. I’m reestablishing my hobbies. I’m trying to live healthy (emphasis on trying) by eating right and exercising. But most importantly, I’m doing my best to truly and honestly connect with my heavenly Father. And I think that is the reason I’m not bitter. Don’t get me wrong every day is different but I’m really looking to find my contentment in the Lord and everything He has for me to do in this season. Now I want to be totally clear, THIS IS NOT EASY. Some days it is a cake-walk, other days I literally look up to heaven and scream, “how in the world are you supposed to be enough when I can’t see, feel, or hear you.” But even in those times when I’m like that, God is so patient, he’s probably laughing at me like a boyfriend or husband laughs at their significant other when she’s overreacting.
Sometimes I wonder, if all of these feelings that I feel will go away when I actually get what I want. There is a huge part of me that doesn’t think so. Perhaps it is in this season that God is trying to teach me how to lean on Him when I feel this way so that in my next season when it’s more intense I don’t crater. Something to think about. Only time will tell.
Love,
THE CHRISTIAN SINGLE WOMAN
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