Having Guy Friends is Confusing

 Dear Diary,

I’m confused. Having guy friends is confusing. But let me back up for a bit. My best friend when I was growing up was a guy. We met when we were 4 years old in the children’s choir at church and became instant friends. Fast forward 25 years, he has a wife, two kids, a job and absolutely no time for me. He went from being one of the most important people in my life, to the person that only calls me on my birthday and pretends to be happy to see me when I visit my parents in New York. Now the way I worded it may seem like this is painful for me and it was but in all honesty I’m okay. I’ve accepted that, that is just how it is and pretty much that is how it’s going to be. I’m happy for him and his family and although I think he pretends to be happy to see me, I’m always happy to see his growing and glowing family.

This is where I get confused. I have noticed a pattern with most guy friends I have. They get girlfriends or significant others and slowly, painfully slowly, they pull away from other friendships, specifically friendships with women. So here is the question I guess. When a guy says he wants to be your friend, what exactly is the end game? Now I know some guys just say they want to be your friend to get closer to you, so they can eventually date you or sleep with you considering the world that we live in. I’m not talking about those guys. I’m talking about the ones that literally just want to be your friend. Like why?

So I had another friend. We actually became great friends. Fast forward to about 5 years later, he gets a girlfriend and now he’s pulled away from all his other friends, including me. Now normally this wouldn’t bother me, but it too closely resembles the same thing that happened with my best friend. And let’s be clear the first time around sent my emotions into a tailspin. Losing a close friend does that. The thing that I just can’t wrap my mind around is why spend so much time getting to know me when you’re just going to throw all of it away when you get a girlfriend? Do you know how hard it is to get to know me? Like seriously the walls I have make the walls of Jericho look like a minor inconvenience.

 So there is a huge part of me that just wants to pull out while I have a chance. It’s self-preservation at its finest baby. But I don’t just want to pull out this friendship but all friendships with all guys. The inevitable seems to be that friendships between men and women are doomed to fail, why would anyone put themselves through that? I’ve been accused of always having walls up around guys, but this is why. Like what do they want from me? What is the end goal here? I’ve just gotten to a place where I don’t want guy friends just to have them. I want the guy friend who is getting to know me as a foundation for a deeper relationship. Other than that, I’m tired of being confused.

Love,

THE CHRISTIAN SINGLE WOMAN