Rethinking the Wedding

 Dear Diary,

It’s just one of those days that I’ve been thinking. I just got back from an incredible wedding weekend. Funny enough, this is the first time in a really long time that that doomed feeling that I’d never get married didn’t show up, well at least not until after I got back home and realized that I’m alone again. But I’ll take the small victories.

So this is what I thought. I was watching how everything was unfolding during the wedding weekend. How getting everything organized seemed like a huge headache. People who said they were going to do something decided it wasn’t important anymore, not even considering how the bride felt about it. Then there was strain on certain relationships due to jealousy, envy and realization that things in the relationship not only had to but had already changed. I watched it all. I took everything in and I thought why do we go through this? Why all the hassle? Do we bring it on ourselves? Organizing a wedding is a lot like organizing an event, which is pretty much what I do for a living, and it is inevitably stressful, no matter how prepared you are. I watched my friend come to point of blowing a couple of times, and I thought it seems like a whole lot and for what.

But then I watched the couple have their first dance. That’s actually my favorite part of any nuptials. I watched as they looked at each other, eyes overflowing with love, as they swayed to the music. I smiled from the inside out and tears streamed down my cheeks as the bride and groom sang their love melody to each other. I watched as they clung to each other, like a bold declaration to the world that from that day forward they vowed to support and hold on to one another. For a moment it all seemed worth it, all the fuss, trouble, and stress seemed worth it.

If I can be honest with you, I’ve always dreamed of a traditional wedding, slightly on the large side, with a program and everything. The more weddings I’m a part of the more I rethink that stance (although I’m still leaning towards it) But lately, all I’ve been dreaming about is the first dance, the walk down the aisle, the exchange of rings, all of the moments where a man will look at me with love overflowing from his eyes. Where I can communicate with him how much I love and cherish him just by looking at him. Those moments where I can show the world unashamed that I love this man more than life itself. I think that’s more important. I think that what makes a wedding the best day of your life. It’s those moments shared by the bride and the groom. But I’ve never felt that way about anyone and I’ve never had anyone look at me like that. While I dream of those moments once again they seem really far off. But Lord knows, I want that and hopefully one day I will get it.  

Love,

THE CHRISTIAN SINGLE WOMAN