The One You Call Distraction: V-day

 Dear Diary,

It’s another day and I feel like my life just keeps going in circles and circles. I struggle with the exact same sins and stumbling blocks. I know better and I should be strong enough but I’m not. This weekend the guy that I call “Distraction” called me out of the blue. We all have the one guy, who we know is bad for us and yet we can't seem to NOT entertain him. It was random, and unexpected and it rocked me to my core. This guy who I met years ago apparently still has the weirdest effect on me. The sexual tension between he and I is palpable. I mean I’ve never felt that level of attraction to anyone in my life. Like when I see him or think about him, I want to rip off his clothes. When he kissed me, I saw through space and time, and all of this affects me.

So, when he called me, while I was mid-sentence at a program I was leading and I was affected. Man, he lives up to his name, Distraction, because that is what he is. That night I had a dream about him, and I woke up all frazzled. It was crazy. But here is where it gets really crazy, he told me that his is probably going to move to my city. Okay that CANNOT happen. I’m all hot and bothered thinking about him but at least he is safely tucked away across the country. But he could potentially be coming here?

So last night it all came to a head. I just needed a release, there was so much tension built up. I couldn’t stop thinking about him. My body couldn’t stop craving him. The unfinished business from the night we met kept playing over and over in my head. I tried reading devotionals that spoke to my situation and root sins, but I still feel this gnawing weight on my heart and my chest that I let God down again. Why do I keep letting this man into my thoughts and life? I knew better than to answer the phone or more specifically to call back. I knew that if I opened that door, Pandora's box would burst open. How am I supposed to lead when I don’t have the self-control to deal with my urges? It’s the same thing over and over and over again. How do I break the cycle?

So it was time to call the tough love girlfriend. You know the friend who doesn't sugar coat anything. I'm that friend to a lot of people, so of course I have one. Basically she racked me over the coals, which is exactly what I needed. It's good to have those type of people in your corner. She helped me screw my head back on straight, and Lord knows I needed it. 

Love,

THE CHRISTIAN SINGLE WOMAN