How Do I Deal with the Loneliness of Being Single?

Dear Diary,

So recently, someone asked me if I was lonely, and how do I deal with the loneliness of being single? And I thought about those questions and gave them an answer that has been working for me lately, so I thought I would share what I said. Right, this second, no I’m not lonely. But I think that loneliness has ebbs and flows just like any other emotion. 

Also, I don’t know if I would consider it the loneliness of being single, because I don’t think that loneliness is tied to being single. I’ve seen people who are lonely IN A RELATIONSHIP. I think for me it is how do I deal with the LONGING TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. Those are two very different concepts and require different solutions, so I think it is important to get the terminology correct. And so to answer the right question, how do I deal with the longing to be in a relationship, I would say, it depends. 

The longing to be in a relationship is often based on external triggers. The reality is that most of the time I don't think about the fact that I'm single and/or I enjoy the freedom that comes with being single. And so anytime I am feeling that longing, the first step is really identifying what external trigger is causing this craving, then I can deal with it accordingly. So, some of the triggers might be, someone younger than me has gotten into a relationship, is getting married or got married. Another trigger might be a milestone birthday or a holiday.

I think once I settle on what the trigger is, I name the emotion that is causing it and (I have to be honest about that) then change my perspective USING THE CHARACTER AND THE CHARACTERISTICS OF GOD. Essentially it is talking myself off of the craving ledge. 

So, for example, a milestone birthday, what I’m really feeling is FEAR that I’m getting old, I just grew into my looks, so I need to capitalize before it all goes down hill and I want to have kids.  Doctors use phrases like geriatric pregnancy to scare women and I don’t want my eggs to be scrambled, cracked or over easy. So, when something like that arises, I have to shift my perspective using the character and characteristics of God. I serve a God that spoke a word and the universe came into existence. He raised my savior from the dead 3 days later. He is not concerned about my eggs, my age or my looks. I am. If it is for me to be in relationship I will. If it is for me to have a child I will, even if my eggs are cracked.

Now with the younger relationship thing, the feeling is, IMPATIENCE, when is it my turn? How come it happened for them and not for me? Okay so this is how I would shift my perspective. So me, as person, I use logic and information to make wise decisions in my life. Based on the information that is available to me, I make the best decision possible. So, extrapolate that, God sees past, present, and future, He has ALL the information, so isn’t it only logical that with all that information He can make the best-informed decisions about the timing of my life?

Does this method always work right away? No, I have my good days and bad days (you've seen that during this blog), and when that is not working I just use the word of truth, Proverbs 3:5-6, Matthew 6:33, and any promise I can think of from the word and  I just say it over and over again until I feel better. So, that's how I deal. 

Love,

THE CHRISTIAN SINGLE WOMAN