Seasons

 Dear Diary,

I am frustrated by a situation I am currently in. I mean, I am totally, just utterly done. What was once exciting and fun, what I once thoroughly enjoyed doing is now a chore. But despite how I feel, I still diligently attend way more than most. However, my attitude is bad. I am not a cheerful giver of my time and energy. I would like to just relinquish my spot so that I don’t resent ministry but I keep hearing my dad’s words echoing in my head, “I didn’t raise a quitter.” I’m not a quitter. That is one of the things that I have a really hard time doing. If I start something I have to finish it. My dad trained me to do that since my very first play-dough sculpture that I tried to walk away from mid-sculpting..

But what do you do when you are just thoroughly frustrated by where you are? How do you know when it is time to leave? How do you know when you are finished? I am a firm believer in seasons. I think that everything has a season. Ecclesiastes 3 verses 1,2,6 and 7 says, “there is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens; a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot…a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,” So Lord how do I know that when a new season is beginning?

When I think about the seasons I immediately think of my years spent in New York. New York has 4 very distinct seasons. Each season has its own unique traits and symbolizes something completely different. Spring represents new growth, the excitement and expectation of something new.  Summer is where everything blooms and flourishes. It has a relaxing atmosphere saturated with the security of increase and prosperity. Fall is the harvest time where everything is in gets removed. Picking things that are done maturing and shedding things that are unnecessary; and you see the true colors and winter is where everything shuts down. It doesn’t die but it stays stagnant until it is time for spring again. As I look at the seasons, it is evident that each one is necessary. Even winter, where it looks like everything is dead. To me that is just a time where the poor plants get to rest. But of course I wonder, what if it was always winter? There isn’t much life in Antarctica now is there. When one season takes over you notice that the plants will begin to die. Even in places like Houston where it seems like you only have two seasons, hot and rainy, at some point something has to change for growth to continue. It can’t always rain or everything will drown and it can’t always be hot because of drought.

So I said all that to say this, there will be a time when you have to stay and wait it out even if it is hard or frustrating. And then there is a time when you have received all you can from that season and you must move on since there is no change. When my growth is being hindered, when there is no more life, it is time to go. I must be finished. But how can I be sure that the Lord is telling me that my season is ending and a new season is beginning?

I asked God for some insight about this because I honestly didn’t know. I said it once and I will say it again, I’m not a quitter. So, He lead me to the very first scripture that I ever memorized. Proverbs 3:5-6, my grandma made me memorize it in the King James version, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not onto thine own understanding, in all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct thy path.”  Just like God has the ability to change the seasons, He has the authority to change mine. When I trust in Him and I lean on Him, He will direct my path, He will give me the next steps. He will tell me when it is time to go so that I can continue to grow. So that means I am not quitting or giving up, I’m just moving to the spring where I can expect new growth and expectations. But until that time, I will stay where I am and do my best to occasionally stop and smell the roses.

Love,

THE CHRISTIAN SINGLE WOMAN